Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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