mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
