I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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