I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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