so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
