Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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