i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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