Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
