oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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