his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
