I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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