omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
