i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
