why didn't you poke me back
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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