my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
