It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
