Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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