I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
