maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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