K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
