Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
