Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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