Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
