you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
