Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
