All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
