hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
