listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
