i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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