Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
