I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
