I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
