he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
