Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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