Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
