I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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