My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
