you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
