finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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