Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
