This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
