As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
