i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
not ubering you a puppy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
