I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
