Yo dont text me then not text me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
