so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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