i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize