How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
