life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
