Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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