Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
