so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
