if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
