Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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