he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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