it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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