Dual....:-)
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
