you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
