just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
