When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
