How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
