So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
