hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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