I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
