New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
